A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
