she was so not down for the gang bang
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
