i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
