i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
