my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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