I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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