I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
