Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
