I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
