like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
