I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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