Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
