If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Maybe he injected his testicle?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
