No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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