Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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