he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
