I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
