The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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