didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
