have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
