I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
