we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
