so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
