Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
