seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
