i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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