Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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