He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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