I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
