a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
