I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is classic penis vs brain.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
