You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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