I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
