he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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