yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
