she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you win again, gameday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
