it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
