Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
