I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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