Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
