Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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