i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
