We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
