you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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