All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
