i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am available for nakedness
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
