Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
