you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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