Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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