I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
